Realisations
by Kassogtha
Summary: It's funny how often the most striking revelations come from seemingly nowhere at all, at the most unexpected times.


I was gazing out the window as I usually do when, quite suddenly, realisation hit me.

I had long stopped listening to Miss Tanizaki's lecture and was busy observing the reflection of the class in the window. Usually I would watch the clouds as they passed, other classes out on the track or Tomo's latest outburst. Perhaps someone would have some adorable pen-topper or similar, on occasion Osaka would have some interesting – or simply bizarre – comment to puzzle over.

It was actually this habit of watching with seeming disinterest that had first sparked my reputation as a 'lone wolf' and my own shyness towards other people had done nothing to alleviate this.

But today neither Tomo's antics nor or cute stationary had caught my eye.

Something else had me enraptured, and not for the first time.

The summer heat was strong and many of my classmates were sweating, waving textbooks like fans or slumped limply at their desks, but I only had eyes for one in particular. I watched as a bead of sweat rolled slowly down the side of Kagura's neck, my eyes following it travel down, farther and farther until it disappeared beneath the red folds of her uniform. For a brief moment my mind was filled with pictures of the tanned skin underneath that red sailor suit and a hot flush sprang to my face.

But despite this I found I couldn't turn away.

Kagura must have spotted me because she turned slightly and grinned at my reflection with a small wave. I spun forwards quickly, praying she hadn't noticed my burning cheeks. I tried to keep focused on the board in front of me but quickly I found my attention slipping back to the glass, lured by whatever odd curiosity had gripped me and demanded another glance. Kagura had gone back to her work when I turned back to the reflected class, her brows furrowed and scratching at her temple with a pencil in confusion before she grinned, enthusiastically scribbled something down with exaggerated motions and sat back with an arm over her chair looking distinctly pleased.

She looked for all the world like the proverbial cat that got the cream.

"Ah.. Cute.."

Cute had never been something I associated with people before I met little Chiyo, that had once been only for fluffy animals and plush toys. But nevertheless I found myself thinking that the pink flush from the heat and the grin on the swimmer's face was very cute indeed.

I remember thinking to myself 'Ah. I'm in a lot of trouble, aren't I?'.

This had all begun with our second trip to the summer home owned by Chiyo's parents. After narrowly avoiding a repeat of the 'Yukari-Mobile' incident of last year and eventually recovering the keys after Tomo flung them into the brush, we unpacked and set off for the beach. The day passed in a haze of sun and sand and when the light had faded Tomo had convinced Miss Kurosawa to let us all stay up late into the night, which is where my problem would begin.

Miss Tanizaki had brought along a rather large bottle of sake and Miss Kurosawa had taken it upon herself to drink it, fearing the potent rice-wine would end up in our hands or worse, stay in Miss Tankizaki's. The bottle had been almost empty by the time Tomo taken advantage of her drunken stupor to ask about _adult_ relationships and if they really were 'all pervy and stuff' as Tomo put it. Which triggered a very long, very detailed talk about _exactly_ how 'pervy' those sorts of relationships were.

Had it had stopped there, following a lengthy rant about men from our drunken teacher, maybe I would not be in my current predicament. But when Miss Kurosawa had finished making sure I could never look my male classmates in the eye she had finished the bottle in one gulp and begun talking about as she put it 'why girls don't even need guys anyway'.

Which is why now, as I look again at the expanse of tanned flesh in the reflection behind me I find I cannot stop the hitch in my breath, the flush on my cheeks or the sudden understanding when it all clicked into place.

I was right, I was in big trouble. And all I could say as I sat there was,

"Ah.."

* * *

It wasn't until later that evening after I had helped Chiyo take Mister Tadakichi his nightly walk and I was safely in my room with its many stuffed animals that the full force of my earlier comprehension hit me. Silently, I slunk down the wall next to my bed tightly clutching a NecoConeco plush to my chest.

I was mistaken, I thought, I had to be. There had to be some other reason I couldn't drive Kagura from my thoughts. We were friends, it was completely normal to pay attention and take notice of ones friends wasn't it? It was no different from how I would watch Tomo and Yomi's odd 'Boke and Tsukkomi' routine.

But some small part of me said otherwise. After all, those two had never so wholly captivated me before even at their most extreme, not even Chiyo had – ignoring a certain penguin costume of course.

I thought again about the look on Kagura's face I'd thought cute, the one that had startled me so. It shouldn't be too surprising, Chiyo was cute too, just in a different way.

Was that right? I had always thought things were simply cute or not, cats and Chiyo were both cute. Stuffed animals were cute. But when I tried to think of Kagura like that, I couldn't. Something in my mind wouldn't let me. But nevertheless I _did_ think she was cute. Adorable even.

I sunk my face into the soft plush as a groan escaped me. This wasn't working, I was just going around and around in circles.

I had heard other girls in the class talk before about love, on and on they would talk about their latest crush and how wonderful it was. Was that what this was? Was it love? But I had never been in love before, so how was I supposed to know what it felt like? It wasn't like I could just ask someone afterall.

I shook my head. Mother had said once before that it wasn't as simple as that. Attraction, she said, could develop suddenly but love was something that took time. Then, was I just attracted to Kagura? Nothing more than a simple desire? But did that mean that some part of me _wanted_ to love her? Or was it just curiosity because of what Miss Kurosawa had said?

My head was spinning now, this was all so confusing! I longed for the simpler times I had once known, where the only cute things I had to worry about were the neighbourhood cats.

At the very least I had figured one thing out. I was definitely attracted to Kagura, but what that would mean in the future I didn't know. Well, it was a start anyway.

With a sigh I rose and set about preparing for bed. Maybe a good nights sleep would clear things up a little.

* * *

The walk to class the next day was one filled with dread, having realised exactly _why_ I couldn't shift my mind from a certain athlete I was struck with an odd paranoia that somehow, despite having told no one, that everyone else would figure it out as well. Enough people thought me weird already without the whole class, Kagura included, catching on that I had spent all night dreaming of tan skin and tangled sheets..

So it was that I sat in my seat and took up my usual window gazing pose with my chin in my hand. For once my attention wasn't on the glass but instead my own thoughts as I tried to sort though all my feelings again to find some sort of resolution to this latest dilemma.

"Hey Sakaki!"

The shout from a voice oh so familiar to me startled me badly enough that I jumped in my chair, knocking my knee hard enough to send a resounding thunk through the room though luckily no one paid it any mind. When I spoke, it was hardly more than a whisper.

"Ah, K-Kagura.."

"Man I can't believe Teach, springing a test on us so soon after we get back from summer break! Least she gave us a day's warning." Kagura groused with her arms folded under her chest.

Test? Had I missed something yesterday? I know I sometimes missed small things in my daydreaming, but I had never forgotten anything as important as a test. Surely I couldn't have been _that_ distracted by my.. newest interest? The look on Kagura's face though told me I must have however.

"Anyway, you think I could borrow your notes for a bit? Mine are kinda…" Her voice trailed off towards the end, I had thought I had kept my surprise hidden but Kagura must have noticed my confusion as she continued.

"You too eh? Maa, I thought you looked pretty spaced yesterday, even more than Osaka usually does!" The grin and little elbow nudge told me she was only having fun, but that didn't help when memories of yesterday's sights came rushing to the front of my mind and brought a blush along with it.

"Ah, sorry. I had a lot on my mind.."

Again my voice came out quiet, hardly audible over the din of the classroom but Kagura seemed to have no problems hearing me as a strange look crossed her brow.

"Yeah? Well listen, how about we go for a run after school? Might help clear your head a bit. Plus I'd love another chance to beat you, I'll get you yet ya' hear?"

I couldn't help the smile that came at her words, it seemed even when she's concerned she couldn't quite contain all her boisterous nature or resist the chance to beat me, it was another thing I found cute no matter much it confused me. With a nod I spoke again, louder this time.

"Sure."

"Sweet! I'll see ya' after class 'kay?"

Grinning even wider she bounced off towards Yomi and Tomo, likely to beg for a look at the taller girl's notes and for a chance to poke fun at the wildcat. Still smiling I watched her go, but my mind was already elsewhere.

* * *

The day dragged on slowly after that, all I could think about was the run we had arranged. But at long last it finally ended, thankfully with neither Kagura or I assigned cleaning duty, and we left the school together on the way to our homes. As we walked Kagura spoke about some new mountain bike she had been looking at and it's apparently outrageous price tag. Normally I would be listening intently for although I wasn't much one for bikes myself I always made a point to listen to my friends, regardless of topic. Kagura however was full of energy as always and was a few paces ahead of me gesturing wildly as she spoke.

Needless to say I was quite distracted. So distracted in fact that I never even noticed when I walked straight past my own front door and nearly into Kagura as she stopped to look at me.

I felt a familiar heat rising to my face again, both in embarrassment and at our sudden closeness.

"You alright Sakaki? Must be something pretty big bothering you to walk past your own place." This time the concern was clear on her face and in her voice, her eyebrows were scrunched up again in a way similar to but not quite the same as how she looked when a particularly hard question came up in class. It was subtle, but I could tell the difference now.

"It's nothing, really."

For a second a frown appeared on her lips which served only to draw my gaze to them and suddenly I wondered how they might taste. Quickly though she smiled again, it was clear she didn't believe me but was at least going to play along for now.

"Alright then. Mind if I come in while you get changed?"

I nodded and gestured her inside the small two floor home my parents owned and led her quickly to the living room.

"One minute."

With that I retreated at speed upstairs to my room, filled with sudden nervousness as I realised that this was the first time I had ever had a friend over, and one I was so fixated on at that.

I took a moment to steady my breath once I was safely in my room, steeled myself, and quickly changed into some shorts and a plain top I had around. It was nothing special, hardly any different from my gym clothes and yet a strange desire rose from the same place that told me Kagura was cute in a different way, telling me to do _somethin_ _g._ So I took a ribbon from my drawer and tied my hair into a ponytail and let the ends trail, as well as biting my lips somewhat to bring some colour to them. Looking in the mirror I nodded and headed back down to where Kagura was waiting. She stood and grinned again when she saw me.

"Whoa-ho, looks like someone's ready for _battle!_ " There was laughter in her voice, and the same energy she always got before a race at school, but something seemed different in the glint in her eyes and the tone of her voice.

"Now I'm really pumped! Let's go!"

With that we quickly left for her house, which turned out to be a surprisingly short distance away. I had always thought she lived in another neighbourhood but it took only a few minutes to reach her home. When we did I declined her offer to come inside, offering the excuse of doing some stretches to cover the fact I didn't think I could handle it if I did. I didn't trust that strange desire that kept surfacing. What would it try to tell me if I went inside with her? Kagura returned even faster than I had, dressed in a similar shorts and top combination to mine, though they were wrinkled and as she passed me through the gate I felt the heat from them, like they had only just been pulled from the dryer. They were likely the quickest things she could have found. I smiled again at her obvious enthusiasm.

"You know the way to the park from here?" She asked as she began to stretch, propping a leg up on a fence next to us.

"Mm."

It took a moment for me to answer, I knew exactly which way to go but I had been distracted again by the swimmer's toned legs. I shook my head briefly to clear my mind. I had to focus.

"Alright! First one past the gate's the winner, got it?"

I nodded again and she picked up a pebble from the pavement, tossed it into the air, and quickly dropped into a starting position. As it hit the ground we both exploded into motion, speeding past a rather bewildered looking old man on his porch and towards the park.

We ran in silence, each of us focused entirely on the run, on breathing properly and keeping a sharp gaze on the path ahead. Neither of us had gained any lead on the other by the time we reached the final hundred or so meters to the park but upon rounding the corner and spotting the entrance that marked our finish line Kagura managed to pull a burst of speed that brought her an arms length ahead. I tried to keep my focus on breathing, on keeping my speed up but found myself completely entranced by the sight of Kagura running. There was something almost magical about the way she moved, every motion deliberate and with the same casual grace I often saw in the local cats as they ran after prey.

I felt myself slowing but I didn't care as I watched her every movement. For a long, glorious moment my whole world consisted only of her. We passed the gate into the park and the spell was broken as Kagura slowed, slid on the gravel path a short ways and then spun around, again grinning. This one however, was so much different from her usual. It was full of such happiness that her eyes practically shone as she realised that she had finally, finally beaten me like she had so long ago sworn to. I could hardly breathe as I took in her form, chest heaving with every breath and dripping with sweat, I had never seen anything so beautiful before.

"Hah.. I finally.. Finally beat you eh?"

Gasping for air she couldn't help the breathless laugh that escaped her lips as she pumped her fist into the air and spun on a heel in triumph. Again I found myself smiling and thinking just how cute that little victory dance had been.

"So, that help you clear your mind a bit? Dad always said that the best way to do it is to think of something else entirely, completely stop thinking about whatever thing's bugging you and then hit it again fresh."

"Mm, it has."

And it had. Perhaps it was the adrenaline from the run helping me focus, perhaps it was taking a break from my constant thinking and worrying about what to do about my situation to see things from another angle. But whatever it was, I felt felt that same understanding again as I had before.

"Kagura, mind if we walk for a bit?"

"Sure, no problem."

We settled into a comfortable silence as we talked around the park to cool down. Kagura was still grinning when after a few minutes I spoke again.

"Kagura…" That clarity I had felt did nothing to settle my nerves as I tried to word what I wanted to say, but that one thing was all I managed before my mouth clamped shut like it always did when I tried to speak.

"Hm?"

She turned her head to look at me, a brow raised in question.

As she did, I remembered something. Kaorin talking about the Astronomy club back in first year back before I had even met Kagura. She was stuttering and struggled to speak, but she was brave, and soldiered on despite her obvious fears. But it was my own lack of response that had caused her confidence to topple and she fled.

How many times had something similar played out? How many chances had gone to waste because I couldn't unstick my tongue when someone was speaking to me?

The adrenaline from the run hadn't left me yet, and a confidence I rarely knew filled me.

Not this time.

"I wanted to, there's something I needed to tell you."

Now my voice was much clearer, stronger.

"Since the summer trip I've been.. Noticing certain things I didn't before. Things about you, Kagura."

"Ah…" A deep blush rose to Kagura's cheeks, from the reminder of Miss Kurosawa's little talk or something else I couldn't tell. Maybe she already knew what I was trying to say and didn't know what to say in turn. I looked away, focusing on the path ahead of me and continued on, not daring to look back.

"You're.. Very pretty, Kagura. Beautiful, even." A blush came to my own cheeks now. "And.. I think…"

I hadn't been brave enough to try and put a word beyond simple attraction to what I felt before now, but the run had helped clear my head and the walk we were now gave me time to look past the physical desire I had been obsessing over, and instead think about all the other things I had been noticing. The way Kagura laughed, bright and bold and happy. The slightest inflection of her voice that spoke louder than I ever could. I thought about the changes in her expression whenever I was around, the little crinkling of the eyes, the faintest quirk of her lips that formed a smile when she caught my gaze. I remembered the times we spent with friends together or just each other.

All the little signs I had been noticing that said she enjoyed my company just I did hers. These and a million things I had become aware of in the time since the trip, so many I struggled to remember when I had even started to distinguish and recognise them all.

Father said that it was when one's friendship went that slightest bit further and you found yourself noticing the smallest of details, that was when the seeds were planted and needed only a little nudge to grow.

I mustered my courage again, took a deep breath and turned to face her even as we kept our steady pace.

"I think.. I think I'm falling in love with you…"

The moment the words left my lips my heart was thundering in my chest, the swell of emotion I felt at being able to say those words threatening to burst straight out of me. I managed to keep my gaze locked on Kagura as I said it, I watched as her brows shot up and her mouth opened, watched the blush she wore darken even further. For a moment everything seemed frozen, like the world had stopped in that exact second.

Then, slowly, that tiny smile I had only recently begun to see pulled its way to her lips.

"You know.. I transferred into Yukari's class 'cause you were in it."

She was facing forwards now as we continued walking, but she didn't step back, or stop or turn away. I could hardly breathe, a tiny flame of hope built in my chest. Could she..?

"It was after the sports fest, you had beat me at every event and I thought, damn, who _is_ this girl?"

Her smile widened into a grin once more.

"When I asked Coach about it she said you were in Yukari's homeroom. I wasn't really making any friends in Coach's class y'know, so I thought, what the heck, I'm a try to find her."

I looked back at Kagura, she had a far away look on her face, as if caught up in memories.

"At first it was all about being your rival, proving I was just as good as you y'know? But then as I got to know you, I just wanted to learn more about you. Be your friend. I learned a lot too, you weren't the lone wolf I had assumed you were. Instead you were cute, lonely lil' puppy."

The swimmer was smiling wistfully now, and shaking her head slightly, I was too busy however, focused on that one word she had said. 'Cute'. No one had ever called me cute before, I was always too big, too scary to be cute, even as a child by parents had called my pretty, never cute.

"I kept on noticing stuff, like how whenever you're in class you can always spot cute pencils from across the room and that sorta thing." Kagura laughed then, her grin took a sly edge, eyes narrowing slightly. "Took me forever to figure out how you do your window watching trick without Teach noticing."

"You.. knew I've been watching people?" Please ground, open up and swallow me whole before my head catches fire.

"Yeah, man I can't blame you, the stuff you see people getting up to when they think you ain't looking!"

"For ages though I was all mixed up tryin' to figure out how come it was only you I kept paying attention to. I figured it was just 'cause I'd moved class and all that to find my 'rival'." She stretched her arms up above her head and I heard her elbows pop.

"And then, when I still couldn't get you out of my head, Coach goes and gets drunk and starts talking about all sorts of stuff, man, I was hella confused for a while. But, I figured it out in the end." She laughed again, and grinned wider, looking over at me.

"Looks like we've both been worryin' about the same thing, eh?"

My vision spun as I finally took a much needed breath, heart still pounding but my head filled with a weird, half dazed sort of happiness. Did she really..? I felt the grin tugging at my lips and couldn't have stopped it even if I wanted to as Kagura stepped a little closer and took my hand in hers as we walked.

We wore matching blushes as we walked slowly along the path, we still had a lot to talk about and so many things to figure out.

But right then we were both happy to revel in each other's company, and the warmth of our joined hands.

"Mm. Looks like it."

* * *

 **Well, it took five years but here it is! Huge shout out to the two people that are the only reason this got written, RunsWithBulls and RedSaltire! Here's to another five years at least, hopefully the next thing I write won't take so long!**


End file.
